Dear CEM,
I never thought I’d find myself in this situation, staring at my roommate’s boyfriend, Jason, and feeling things I shouldn’t. Ashley and I have been best friends since our first year at university. She’s the kind of friend who has your back no matter what, and we’ve been through so much together. But now? I’m not sure how I got here, but it’s a line I’m dangerously close to crossing.
It started innocently enough. Jason would come over to hang out with Ashley, and we’d all watch movies or grab dinner. He was charming, funny, and ridiculously good-looking, every girl’s dream. But he was hers. I never paid him much attention, not like that anyway. But lately, something changed. He started talking to me more, asking about my day, and giving me compliments.
“You’re hilarious,” he said one evening as I made a sarcastic comment during a movie. His eyes lingered on me just a little too long.
I tried to brush it off, reminding myself he’s Ashley’s boyfriend. But there was this spark between us that I couldn’t ignore. One night, Ashley had to pull an all-nighter at the library, leaving Jason and me alone in the apartment. I felt nervous being around him without her. We ordered takeout and started talking, about everything, our dreams, our insecurities, our lives before college. The more he opened up, the harder it became to fight these feelings.
Then it happened.
Jason reached out, gently brushing a strand of hair away from my face. The electricity between us was undeniable. He leaned in, and before I knew it, his lips were on mine. For a moment, I let myself get lost in it, the feel of him, the rush of adrenaline. But then, reality hit. I pulled away, my heart pounding.
“We can’t,” I whispered, my voice trembling.
“I know,” he said, his face conflicted. “But I can’t stop thinking about you.”
I was torn. Jason made me feel alive in a way no one ever had, but how could I betray Ashley? I thought about her, how much she cared for him, and how much she trusted me. My guilt was unbearable. But the more I tried to push Jason away, the more intense our connection grew.
Weeks went by, and I found myself avoiding Ashley as much as possible. Every time she talked about Jason, I felt a knot in my stomach. She was so happy with him, completely unaware of what had happened between us. I hated myself for it, but part of me couldn’t shake the thrill of being desired by him.
The tipping point came one night when Ashley was out of town visiting her family. Jason texted me, asking if I wanted to grab a drink. I knew I should’ve said no, but curiosity got the better of me. We met up at a bar, and after a few drinks, the tension between us was palpable. By the time we left, we ended up at his place.
I’ll spare you the details, but what happened next was a blur of passion and regret. Lying next to him afterward, reality came crashing down. I had crossed a line I could never uncross.
Now, I’m living with this secret. Every time Ashley smiles at me, it feels like a knife twisting in my chest. I’m caught in this tangled web of betrayal and desire, unsure of how to move forward. Jason and I agreed it was a mistake, but the guilt is eating me alive.
I know I should tell Ashley, but how could I destroy her like that? I love her like a sister, but I’m in too deep now. And the worst part? Deep down, I know this isn’t over between Jason and me.
What would you do if you were in my shoes?
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